CBC Radio had a story yesterday about two young men in St. John’s, Newfoundland who were caught by police smoking a joint in a car. I recall a similar incident occurring just minutes after cannabis became legal in Canada, somewhere out around Winnipeg.
Upon hearing of such tomfoolery, I cringe and bristle. I shake. I yell at CBC Radio, hoping that those offenders can hear me.
It’s infuriating because, aside from being incredibly stupid and irresponsible, these drivers feed the naysayers who insist that legalization is the Devil’s work.
“See?” the naysayers will say. “We told you this would happen. Everyone’s driving around stoned off their tits. Society as we know it is dead.”
How Far Up One’s Own Arse Can One Get?
I do wonder how these naysayers managed to jam their heads so far up their own arses. Are they so oblivious to believe that no one had been driving under the influence of marijuana before October 17, 2018?
Lord Jesus, how unaware of modern society could they possibly be? I suppose they think we should outlaw pre-marital sex and condoms to eliminate teenage pregnancy as well.
I’m reminded of Coach Steve (a simple-minded adult with very childish views on the world) from the Netflix show Big Mouth. When asked if he’s ever had sex (Season 2, Episode 2 “What Is It About Boobs?”), Coach Steve replies:
“What? Of course not, I’m not a mommy or a daddy. Come on, what do I look like?”
(skip to 0:55 to see this clip.)
This is the level of logic that these anti-legalization louts are working on: legalized weed = the degradation of everything we know and love. Idiots.
It’s Up to Us
My point, though, is that we need to stop giving these legalization naysayers any sort of ammunition.
In Lynn Coady’s short story “Wireless” from her excellent collection Hellgoing, the protagonist, Jane, is a functional alcoholic. She meets a man who she believes is an out-of-shape alcoholic and gives him this advice:
“You’ve got to take better care of yourself. It’s our responsibility as drunks to look after ourselves, make sure we eat right and get regular exercise and all that, because the bastards are just looking for any excuse to tell you how irresponsible you are, how you’re ruining your health, how you’re a drain on society. It’s up to us to throw it all back in their faces, to say, What are you talking about, look at me, I’m fine. I earn money. I pay my rent or my mortgage or whatever. I have friends, I’m successful in what I do. Who are you to judge me, and on what possible basis?”
Later in the story, Jane hears a drunk man disturbing the neighbourhood outside her window, yelling out for someone (who never responds) and banging on doors.
“We can’t afford it, Jane wants to holler down at him.”
Similarly, we can’t afford to have a bunch of dickheads driving around with joints hanging out their mouths. The bastards are hovering in wait. They’re snapping their chops, dying to throw it in our faces—this monumental policy fuck-up those whackjob Liberals have made. Don’t give them the satisfaction.
“Puff and pedal”, I always say. “Never smoke and steer.”
It’s better for the environment as well, but that’s a whole other kettle of fish.